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The Apprentice Rewind


Trump to Comey: Your Fired!

There’s so much going on in Donald Trump’s Washington: draining the swamp, perfecting healthcare, hiring a Supreme Court Judge, firing an FBI Director. It has been a stressful year for our new president.

Unfortunately mistakes were made, journalistic mistakes. What we are talking about is fake news. Fortunately, we are here to straighten out some of the most glaring distortions in the mass media. There is nothing fake in what you are about to read.

As usual the media completely mislead America with their portrayal of the Comey firing. My sources, deep inside sources, revealed the truth.

What Really Happened

First of all the fake story from the White House was that Comey was being fired for his alleged mishandling of last years investigation into the Clinton email mess. Comey got his pink slip while traveling in Los Angeles. According to sources, Comey made an irreconcilable blunder by booking a reservation at The JW Marriott Hotel in Downtown LA. That really threw POTUS into a tizzy.

Trump has had a secret long-standing distaste for Bill Marriott and everybody knows how Trump values loyalty. In Comeys defense, there are no Trump Hotels in Los Angeles anyway, only the Trump National Golf Club of LA.

Think of it this way, Trump has not been in charge of his old company since January 20th. Maybe he just forgot. More than 100 days is a long time to test the memory of any 71 year old. Who knew being President was so complicated?

Of course there was the issue of Comey’s alleged request for greater FBI resources to investigate Russian involvement in last years election. And yes there was the possibility that the investigation could lead to the White House. And yes there was the possibility that this could severely damage Republican chances for healthcare reform, tax reform and even the future of the Republican Party. But rules are rules and when Comey checked into The JW Marriott, the Donald had enough.

HUGE Overreaction

The mass media overacted to the Comey axing big time. CNN denounced the President for “ a grotesque abuse of power” and “the kind of thing that goes on in non-democracies”.

This just shows how little some people know. There are plenty of presidents for Trumps action. On October 21, 1973 Special Prosecutor Archibald Cox was fired by then president Richard Nixon. I know that is only one example but we can’t spend all day dwelling on the past if we are going to make America Great Again!

Yes Mr. Cox was investigating things that nearly lead to the impeachment of Nixon and yes Comedy was investigating a thing that might lead to who knows what with Trump. But as White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer said, “that is where the comparison ends”.

The facts totally validate this point. For example: Nixon had brown hair; Trump’s is more tangerine. Nixon used the over the head two finger victory sign; Trump prefers a waist high two thumbs up approach. And most importantly, Pat Nixon and Melania Trump have different names.

Don’t Be Mislead By Fake News

Another completely fake peace came from The New York Times. Their headline on the day of Comey’s firing was “With Awkward Timing, Trump Meets Top Russian Official”. There was nothing awkward what so ever. If anything, the timing was perfect. Sources close to people who claim to always be in the loop explain it this way.

The meeting between Russian foreign minister Sergey V. Lavrov and US Secretary Rex W. Tillerson took place at the State Department right on schedule. Pictures only showed the two gentlemen together. But that was only the upfront stuff.

Behind the scene my sources told me that POTUS’ adrenaline got so pumped up pretending he was back on The Apprentice saying “You’re Fired” to Comedy that he fell back into The Art of The Deal mode with the Russians.

You may think this is silly and juvenile on the part of POTUS but remember, it had been a rough first 100 days. All of us even POTUS regress a little when frustrated and tired. It isn’t like he could just go home and take it out on Don Jr, Eric or Melania. He is the only member of the family that lives in the White House so cut the lonely guy a little slack.

According to sources, Trump got on the phone with Lavrov and artfully laid out the deal. This is what actually took place. Trump said, ok Sergey, I just gave you Comey and in return we want Edward Snowden. We talked about this deal 50 times before the Republican Convention. We even shook on it but you Sovietskis keep jerkin us around.

So now in addition, we want a compensatory second round draft pick from the Baltic national team. The ultimate prize: Trump was really after a 7’8” Latvian with three point shooting skills like Kristaps Porzingis. Its all part of Trumps secret plan the Make The New York Knicks Great Again. This information is so secret, not a single word has leaked out.

So now you know the truth. Stay tuned as America Becomes Great Once Again.